A Girl’s Wishes

sad butterfly 1I wish my father would have been kinder about fat girls. Perhaps I wouldn’t have starved myself in order to appear well-under the imagined weight that was the threshold of his love.

I wish the schoolboys wouldn’t have judged other girls harshly, finding fault with models and actresses and teachers. Every criticism, though not directed at me, prompted my own inner critic to register a list of unacceptable traits and unrealistic expectations of perfection.

I wish that advertisements would have been honest about beauty and the need for improvement. Perhaps I wouldn’t have wasted so much money and time on fixing myself.

I wish my boyfriends didn’t believe me when I pretended not to care that they flirted with other girls. I might not have crumbled on the inside while learning to put on a pretty face.

I wish my friend’s father knew that nicknames aren’t always welcome. Perhaps I wouldn’t have doubted the me I knew, compared to the me he labeled.

I wish someone had taught my high school crush to be gentle and kind when letting a girl know that he’s just not into her. Perhaps my veins wouldn’t have turned to ice and colored my future relationships.

I wish I would have had the courage to say ‘no’ and to register my honest opinion.  It might have spared me regret.

I wish I hadn’t needed boys to affirm my self-esteem. But I did. I was human. And I was girl.

3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. fredrieka
    Oct 16, 2015 @ 11:41:27

    some are thin due to genetics, like me I am part greyhound/Dane, sometimes I wish I were a husky especially in cold weather, but, Momwithoutpaws says love who you are others will also

    Reply

  2. Sacha
    Oct 17, 2015 @ 08:29:09

    your vulnerability walks me to my vulnerability. i wonder what is build within our genetic codes about the whole boy/girl thing? even at 60 i can feel it tap at my door. thank you as always for your honesty.

    Reply

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